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Stephanie Davis
Stephanie started an illegal newspaper at her middle school called The Underground—which was printed on copy paper stapled together—thus beginning her foray into the world of publishing. She went on to be editor of her high school newspaper, worked at The Red and Black (UGA's esteemed newspaper)...
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Brutally honest

Wednesday, September, 10, 2008

I am a sugar coater of the Nth degree. A little-white-liar extraordinaire.

I would much rather tell you that my dog is sick (I don’t have a dog) than just tell you I’d prefer to lay on my couch tonight than attend your event. If I feel like your dress makes you look chubby, I’ll say you look “Gorgeous!”  If I have to leave your party early to catch an episode of Million Dollar Listing, I will say hi and then slink out the back way.

I can’t help it. I like the easy way out.

That’s why when my friend Cynthia posted an Esquire article called “I Think You’re Fat” to her Facebook page, I had to read it. It was about a movement called Radical Honesty.

This is what the article said:
“The movement was founded by a sixty-six-year-old Virginia-based psychotherapist named Brad Blanton. He says everybody would be happier if we just stopped lying. Tell the truth, all the time. This would be radical enough -- a world without fibs -- but Blanton goes further. He says we should toss out the filters between our brains and our mouths. If you think it, say it. Confess to your boss your secret plans to start your own company. If you're having fantasies about your wife's sister, Blanton says to tell your wife and tell her sister. It's the only path to authentic relationships. It's the only way to smash through modernity's soul-deadening alienation. Oversharing? No such thing.” Click here for the rest of the HYSTERICAL article by A.J. Jacobs.

 Telling the truth is the ultiimate risk. I’ve found that people don’t like the truth. When I told my close friend who was “on a break” from her long time boyfriend that he probably wasn’t coming back, she shouldn’t wait on him and he’s a jerk for doing this to her, she started crying. I felt like such a b*tch. It reinforced my decision to stay out of people’s personal relationships. But it further emboldened me that most folks don’t want to hear the truth.

So I thought, what would I say if I was to be truly honest. How would I behave?

I’d tell my Dad that he needs to leave me a voice message instead of just calling me over and over until he gets me.

I’d tell my interns that sometimes coming up with work for them to do is super annoying.

I’d tell my boyfriend that I hate Gwar and Ween and all the dumb bands he makes me listen to.

...Wait! Stop. I already tell them all these things. It’s still too hard to write down all the things I’d REALLY say if I wasn’t going to lie. I suck at not lying.  I am editing myself because I know that everyone will read this and have opinions on it. Oh well. I give props to those who can be brutally honest. For me, I don’t think I’m ready to give up my sinister ways just yet.

Anyone brave enough to say what they lie about?



 


krrobi
krrobi
Posted Wed, 09/10/2008 - 15:12
I tell several white lies with sugar on top, too. No way in hell, would I tell my girlfriend she looked chubby!!! But I may say, "Nope, I don't like the dress." And it goes the other way around-- if my husband, for instance, exclaimed, "Hey Kim, you look like a porker in that dress." I'd say, "Kiss my a#%! You're sleeping alone tonight, jerk." Brutal honesty is good, but sometimes it hurts, and when I think it will hurt too bad, I simply add some sugar, honey! :)
ClaudineMJ
ClaudineMJ
Posted Wed, 09/10/2008 - 20:19
Actually, please do, my heart really can't take it. Tell me I look good--ALL the time. Please don't notice the bags under my eyes or mention that I look tired. I'll only call you a bitch anyway... we don't want to go down that road. Let's all just lie.. THAT makes a happier life.

Claudine M. Jalajas
http://cjalajas.blogspot.com/

onetwothreebirds
onetwothreebirds
Posted Wed, 09/10/2008 - 20:58

I think context counts. For instance, I'm much more likely to lie to my elderly relatives than my crazy uncle who should know better.

For myself, I would much prefer my husband and friends to say-- Uh, Rhi, we can see your lumpy bumps through those tight pants-- than realize it in a full-length mirror later in the night when there isn't a damn thing I can do about it except be embarrassed and try to hide beneath the table.

This makes me think of an ex-boyfriend, who I still consider a friend. When I asked if a skirt made me look fat he said, "No, honey. Your fat makes you look fat."

I love that kind of honesty. At the same time, I coat my words in sugar (or Splenda, as the case may be) for my Grandparents and Great-Aunts, in particular.

~ Rhi B.
http://rhibowman.wordpress.com

Varina
Varina
Posted Thu, 09/11/2008 - 10:28
I don't know how many times I heard one of my women friends say, "I hate men who lie. I just want a man who will be honest with me." And then, watched them subtly school a guy to be untruthful in order to avoid getting on their "bad side". Most men I've known do something similar, BUT with a twist. While paying lip service to the claim that they want a truthful woman what they secretly long for is one who will tell them what they want to hear (i.e. "You're so strong/smart/handsome!" or "You're the biggest!" or "You're the best!" Etc.). It does not matter to them that they know in their hearts that they are being lied to; they're definitely willing to ignore the deception. Women want the truth, but can't stand it. Men truthfully want the lie, but can't get enough. P.S. Call your parents back when they want to talk with you, Girl. I wish that I had done it more. You never know how long they will be around.
bbengts
bbengts
Posted Mon, 09/29/2008 - 22:17
Hah! I love this! If you can find at least one outlet to truth in, then good for you. It's so hard. P.S. I can't stand it when you tell me what to do. Just kidding! :)