20-Year-Old Me Meets 40-Year-Old Me

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I look at the woman sitting in my aisle of the plane. She is young. She is familiar. My god, she’s ravishing.

“Wait, are you...?

She nods. “Yep. I’m you, 20 years younger. Surprise!”

I gasp and flop down in the seat beside her. Okay, maybe she isn’t ravishing, but she’s 20 years younger than me, and that is about as ravishing as I ever was.

This is it. This is the moment when I tell Young Me all the things I wish I knew then. Either that, or I’m in a Lincoln Financial commercial and I’m supposed to tell Young Me how proud I am she’s saving money by flying in coach. Like she had a choice.

No, that’s not it. My idea of saving money is not feeding a parking meter and gambling the ticket lady won’t stroll by.

I clap my hands together, giddy with excitement. “Do I have things I want to tell you!”

Young Me seems happy to see me, but she has dark circles beneath her eyes, marring otherwise tight, fresh skin. How did I not appreciate that skin? I make a mental note to tell her to wear sunscreen.

“Can I guess why you look so tired?” I ask. “Were you up all night talking your overly dramatic boyfriend out of throwing himself off the porch?”

She nods. “Our first-floor porch, five feet from the grass.”

“Riiight... you have four more years of that to look forward to.”

Young Me is alarmed. “Four? But we’re soulmates! What happens in four years?”

“In four years you spend all the money you have buying him a ticket to grad school in Hawaii.”

“I do? By himself? Why?”

“Distance makes it a lot easier to break up with him. After missing your chance to do a semester abroad and all sorts of other fun college things, you realize that taking care of him is making you lose yourself. This epiphany arrives right after you catch your “soulmate” flirting with another girl on the phone. I wish I knew who she was so I could send her a thank you card now...”

“Seriously?”

“Yep. It’s the breaking point. When the opportunity arises, you pay for his ticket, buy him a laptop and send him on his way. When he calls to ask for more money a couple of weeks later, you end it.”

Young Me’s jaw falls. “I buy him a laptop, too? I’m an idiot!”

I nod. “I know. That doesn’t really change.”

She spots my wedding ring.

“So who do I marry?” she asks, motioning towards it.

I look at the ring and smile. “First or second time?”

“What?!”